most people have super theories and have done research, but do we all believe that they know what they are really talking about? most of the time i don't think i do.
i was listening to nine inch nails last night and got to wondering... how did i even start liking this band let alone become totally addicted to them? yes, we can become addicted to music just like people get addicted to cigarettes and drugs.
the only thing i really remember was i had just started 7th grade. there was this girl that i'm no longer friends with that liked the band. i'd never really heard them and was all, ok that's cool. i brushed off her liking for about the first 3-4 months of school and then figured after a while that i might as well give them a try. before i decided to ask if i could borrow a cd the band was just kind of pushed on me unexpectedly.
back in those days (aka, the year 2001) there was a secret way to get mtv2 even if you didn't have digital cable, which i wouldn't get for like another year. if i remember correctly it was channel 55 on any tv that didn't have cable at all. the little 13-inch tv in my room was permanently set on 55 for like two years because if you changed the channel, you risked losing mtv2 forever. that happened to 3 of my friends.
i was spending one of my usual nights sitting in my room watching the crappy quality of the channel when i felt thirsty, so i left to get some water. when i came back some program had started and it was basically piano and a kind of creepy vibe. i was intrigued enough so i started to watch it not having any idea what it was, along with 99% of the stuff i watched on mtv2.
the first song titled "march of the pigs" started with this wicked drum beat and electronic melodies popping out. i just sat there in awe wondering what the hell i stumbled upon. after the song was over i didn't really know what to think. i sat there with two thoughts going through my head, "that was really cool" and "who the H is this?!"
there was a pan to the side where a logo with an N, an I, and a backwards N appearing in a box and it said the words "nine inch nails" below it. all i thought at that moment was, holy crap.
i kept watching only intending to watch for another song because it was late and i had school the next day, but i ended up watching the whole thing. i went to school the next day asking the friend to burn me every single nine inch nails cd she had. turns out as we became better friends and i got to know her mom more, her mom had met trent reznor several times (he knew her by name) and had NIN memorabilia, tapes, etc., and music up the ass. to this day i blame them for fueling my addiction, but also to this day i don't mind it. without NIN i probably would have followed the cutting, emo crowd after 8th grade... trent reznor saved my ears and my wrists.
to sum up the rest of 7th grade up until now, i listened religiously. back then if you had an mp3 player you were either asian or rich, so people like me were still stuck listening to cd walkmans until like junior/senior year of high school. my walkman had NIN in there for like two years straight. occasionally i would take them out to listen to something else, but the cd would go in the stereo in my room. every notebook, cd player, cd book, book cover, hoodie, piece of homework, backpack, anything had this logo on it.
am i still that addicted? no. i'll admit it took me until about my junior year of high school to stop automatically drawing the logo on all of my stuff, but that's still in no way addicted. since getting an iPod about a year ago i've managed to listen to the downward spiral only 9 times. up until i actually got the a real copy in 10th grade i had to re-burn it 7 times because the cd wore out... do the math. that's only 3 and a half years. how many listen throughs does it take to wear a cd out? i could tell you, but i don't want a restraining order.
am i truly addicted? in some sense, yes. i don't have a reznor shrine or stalk him or anything, but i do have 8 NIN shirts... and dozens of stickers... and two patches... and every single cd... and have seen them in concert 3 times (including buying tickets for 3x the price on eBay in order to go the first time)... and could probably win a NIN themed jeopardy match (twice)... and can point out the lyrical error in the label version of "starfuckers inc." vs. the live version... and almost got "now i'm nothing" tattooed down my forearm... and still know the words/melody to almost every single song and could recite them on cue... and know how to get the secret menu on the "and all that could have been" dvd... and waited outside of circuit city in the rain to get year zero the morning it was released... i can't even name everything. the only thing i think i haven't given into yet is i haven't joined the spiral. i still remember my NIN access code from 2002, though.
so again... how do addictions start?
i always come to the conclusion that the spark is simple. it can take something as little as how two chords follow each other, what someone's voice sounds like, what something smells like, what something tastes like, how it feels, etc.
the reason without sounding like someone that has a degree in psychology... you get a taste of something and you want more. the want and love for it never goes away. you are able to channel it, of course. if you couldn't people would never kick drug habits or quit smoking. but i guarantee if you light a cigarette around any ex-smoker, something inside of them will go, "that would be so nice."
that always randomly happens with me. something i look at will make NIN pop into my head for whatever reason, most of the time i don't even know why, and my mind says "that sounds nice."
i spend the rest of my night listening to them. it's just that simple.
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