Almost over already...

It's hard to believe May is almost over already. Time seems to be flying by faster than ever before.

A couple things have had my mind occupied for the past couple of weeks, though...

I bought a new computer on impulse. I really didn't need it but I wanted it.
I'm still in the process of packing away old stuff and de-cluttering my walls a little bit.
The kid I have considered a little brother for many, many years is graduating high school this weekend. I am so proud of him and couldn't be happier.
I bought Daria on DVD and have been watching nonstop. I really know where I got it now.
My Stanley Cup prediction got flushed down the toilet. Damn Flyers.
I still need to decide whether I'm going to go to the reception or not.

Out of all these things, I think the most important is the fact that I really need to decide whether I'm going back to school or not. I just don't really care. I have wasted enough money and time already on something that I never cared about. I hate college. Hell, I hate school. I always have. I've been saying since high school that if I could get somewhere to do something I love without having to be formally educated I would be the happiest camper ever. I always feel like I'm underwater when I am in school. I don't absorb anything, I suck at tests, and I have a hard time communicating with people. The fact that I passed a communications class with such ease shocks me still.
I never even wanted to go to college. I went to Metro State to make my parents happy. That's all it was. I didn't know what I wanted to major in, what career I wanted, or even who I wanted to be. When I realized I hated college so much I figured transferring to community college was a good option because it would be similar to high school in terms of ease and accessibility. I quickly found out that I hated it there too. How I lasted as long as I did will always remain a mystery. I failed classes, didn't show up for a lot of them, and had to take 2 remedial math courses. For as smart as I am, and yes I do believe I am, I don't feel like it sometimes. I don't know how someone who graduated with a 3.7 GPA could be such an academic failure 2 years later. School was always a breeze. I hardly studied, half-assed my homework, didn't care, and I still passed with flying colors. The only classes I had to devote any time to were any math course, Architectural Drawing (roof plots were a pain), and Chemistry. Physical Science was simple, Biology was even easier, English was always easy, Social Studies felt like kindergarten, and electives were electives.
I wasn't popular, despite being in honors classes with all the popular people, but I was alright with that. I didn't participate in much, attend school activities, or worry about what college I was going to as early as 9th grade. I didn't even worry about it in 12th grade. I briefly toyed with going to the University of Georgia because they had a great biology program with an emphasis on forensic sciences but I realized how in debt I would be and how far away from home I would be. It's one thing to go an hour away, like to CSU or UNC, but Georgia was on the other side of the country in an area that I had never been before. I'm not ashamed to say it scared me. That is the main reason I declined Berklee College of Music despite the scholarship I kept a secret from everyone. Not only was it more expensive than it was worth but I didn't want to live in Boston. I had never been there and it was even farther away.
But to tell the main reason why I didn't leave... I felt like it was financially dumb. I had no goals and no motivation from the start. Knowing my parents were paying my tuition and fees wasn't something I wanted to take advantage of no matter where I went. Sorry to say it but I learned from observing my brother's college experience. My parents paid for him to go to the Colorado School of Mines and we all watched him earn an engineering degree. He's making pizzas at a restaurant in Minnesota 6 years later and my dad is still paying off the student loans. I know my parents want me to get an education but they also have the typical parental thought process of wanting their children to be happy. The problem is I'm not happy even when I'm not in school. I know what I would love and I am sure that I would have a blast doing it. I just don't want to sit through earning the $30,000 a year piece of paper to prove it.
When it comes down to it, college is a waste of time and money. Half of the student body at any given university is wasting someone's money and time. They're too busy ditching class, getting wasted, getting laid, and cramming for exams at the last minute because they haven't been to the lectures all semester. Naturally there are exceptions but come on, just how many are there? Take a poll on campus and ask how many students have gotten drunk or partied since they've been in college. All of my friends went away to school and I have heard a lot of their stories. The fact that people actually pass their classes is what shocks me. I didn't do 99.9% of what they, or their friends, have done and I'm the one that failed classes. Really?

Maybe there is just something wrong with me. I've felt like there was since as far back as I can remember.